a reoccurring anything typically means you should take notice, and lately i've been pondering the idea behind the jars of clay song two hands. the chorus echos the heart of so many believers:
i use one hand to pull You closer
the other to push You away
the lyrics question what life would be like "if i had two hands doing the same thing/lifted high." i read and reread these lyrics last night wondering how my life would be different if i wasn't a "house that is divided" like the song says. my actions, so often, are self-motivated. and though i know my purpose is solely to glorify my God, i consistently find myself pursuing my heart's desires rather than His.
after earnestly examining my motives and thinking about the lyrics to the song last night, i found myself singing a different song with the same message in my car today. the song freedom by a band called run kid run almost brought me to tears as i sat there listening, knowing that this reoccurring idea is anything but coincidence.
the song begins:
all my chains i can't disengage
and i don't believe that i want to
one hand sings Your praise
the other brings me shame
i have selfishness to blame
so today, after hearing that song, i made the journey back to school after spending mother's day at home. as i drove, i thought about human nature and our double-minded selves. i thought about the number two of all things.
we've been given two hands, two eyes, two feet. symmetry is nice, but it seem as if, because we have two of each, we've somehow made it okay in our heads to offer God only half of our whole selves.
i know this, though. the half i've been trying to control is missing out.
james 4:8
Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
I've pondered that lyric of late as well. Clearly not as deeply as you, but like the imagery it presents and I can relate to that. While I agree with all you said and perceived, I am also reminded of something else. I think Chris blogged about it a couple of weeks ago. About how Chris brought Emerie and I flowers home one day. And then she picked one flower off that night and gave it to him. How ironic that he had given her all those flowers and she picked one and gave it back to him. And how he was thrilled with that...with the thoughtfulness and love wrapped up in that gesture. And how God gives us 'it all' and how we give back some little thing and how it thrills Him. He never asks "that's it?" or offers tips on how to make our gift better. And I love that about Him.
ReplyDeleteAlso - just last week Emerie decorated a craft-y butterfly thing that she received for her birthday. She was showing it to me and stated, "Mom, I didn't worry about that... what's that word? Oh yeah, symmetry. I didn't worry about the symmetry." I'm initially just floored that she knew a word like symmetry that I didn't know existed until somewhere in junior high. But I also see that while I want to give God both hands, I'm not sure that He's as concerned about my symmetry. I think He's pleased with the gift. And I love that about Him, too.
And after further looking at your blog, you are NOT Bethany! I am so sorry! This was on her facebook and I assumed it was her! :) I am her ex roommate! She can explain, I'm a little crazy! :) Haha, love your blog, either way!
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