a reoccurring anything typically means you should take notice, and lately i've been pondering the idea behind the jars of clay song two hands. the chorus echos the heart of so many believers:
i use one hand to pull You closer
the other to push You away
the lyrics question what life would be like "if i had two hands doing the same thing/lifted high." i read and reread these lyrics last night wondering how my life would be different if i wasn't a "house that is divided" like the song says. my actions, so often, are self-motivated. and though i know my purpose is solely to glorify my God, i consistently find myself pursuing my heart's desires rather than His.
after earnestly examining my motives and thinking about the lyrics to the song last night, i found myself singing a different song with the same message in my car today. the song freedom by a band called run kid run almost brought me to tears as i sat there listening, knowing that this reoccurring idea is anything but coincidence.
the song begins:
all my chains i can't disengage
and i don't believe that i want to
one hand sings Your praise
the other brings me shame
i have selfishness to blame
so today, after hearing that song, i made the journey back to school after spending mother's day at home. as i drove, i thought about human nature and our double-minded selves. i thought about the number two of all things.
we've been given two hands, two eyes, two feet. symmetry is nice, but it seem as if, because we have two of each, we've somehow made it okay in our heads to offer God only half of our whole selves.
i know this, though. the half i've been trying to control is missing out.
Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.