let me start by saying that i am more than thankful for the ideology behind the phrase "april showers bring may flowers." once, my friend bethany asked me what may flowers bring, and i responded, "pilgrims." she thought i was clever. clever i am; however, i stole that answer from a bubblegum wrapper.
back to the "funk" this post's title eludes to.
nothing is particularly wrong. don't worry yourself on my behalf. still, nothing is particularly right. maybe this "funk," this unrest, stems from the uncertainty i seem to be swimming in:
graduate school. no graduate school.
pursue. wait to be pursued.
step out in faith. wait in what is comfortable.
is it You? is it me?
daily i struggle with disbelief. i believe Christ's words to be true. i rest in His promises and am thankful for His sacrifice. yet, i know too well the face of disbelief. it shows itself in restlessness, heartache, worry, and regret. where is my peace? where is my belief when i find myself struggling with decisions yet to be made? the cry of my heart is like that of the father in mark, chapter 9.
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." Mark 9:24
and so i wait. i will wait for the flowers that april promises to bring. and, who knows what may flowers will bring. maybe pilgrims... maybe so much more.